In continuing with the work of Dr. Covey, if you are familiar with his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, you are then familiar with the division between public and private victory. The public victory represents those habits that involve other people. If you are setting goals, try to have a support team to help you. Having a group of friends or family that you are accountable to becomes so vital and so important. Because sometimes when you know you are accountable to somebody you know you’ll do something that you otherwise wouldn’t do simply because you want to keep your commitment to that person.
Dr. Covey says: “I use to do a lot of running and we would get up at 5:30 in the morning to run. By we I mean me and my neighbor. My neighbor friend and I committed to each other 5:30 every morning we would meet in the park between our two homes, and I didn’t want to do that half the time, but I knew he was going to be there and he told me he didn’t want to it half the time. But neither of us knew when the other half the time was for the other person. So we always met, can you imagine the impact that had? The control that gave us over our life? And the feeling of that control applying to others area of life? With your children, with your wife, with your friends. That’s what happens, these things are connected, you cannot separate body, mind, heart, spirit. That’s why I’m saying take the connected approach. Now the heart, deals with this whole spirit of win, win. See we had a win, win relationship, my friend and I. Doing that running early in the morning it was win, win, he would win, I would win. It felt like lose, lose half the time. But it really wasn’t it, really was win, win. We also listened to each other, seek first to understand, then to be understood. We understood each other’s situation, then we finally came up with what we called a synergistic goal. A “we” goal, not a “my” goal. That we were going to help each other, get into shape, and get control of our lives and apply that in every other aspect of our life. The difference between a “we” goal and a “me” goal, is the difference between the private victory the “me” goal. You know establishing it, begin with the end in mind, then putting that first, putting first things first, that’s important to you. And a “we” goal, the spirit of win, win with your friends, your team, your workgroup your study group, your spouse, your children. Is the difference between the private victory and the public victory. And honestly, you’ll find, over time until you have won the private victory, you will lose the public victory. When push comes to shove and people start thinking win, lose around you, you know, they’re in for themselves, they’re in to “me”
goals. You’ll have the tendency to do the same thing. Or you’ll capitulate and go for lose win, you’ll become a martyr. Both win, lose and lose, win end up as lose, lose long run, they do. But a “we” goal that has come from mutual understanding, (seek first to be understand then to be understood) you know what that does? It will always produce synergy. Synergy means, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.”